Interpersonal Traits of Unsafe People – Part Two

We are looking at the interpersonal traits of unsafe people. The last time we saw that:

1> Unsafe people avoid closeness instead of connecting

And we began looking at:

2> Unsafe people are only concerned about “I” instead of “we”

Here we say that empathy is an important factor in any safe relationship. We need to be able to engage in the other person’s life, feeling what they are feeling and understanding what they have gone through and where they are at currently in their journey. We saw that ‘safe people are empathic.’ Let’s continue that today by looking at the fact that ‘safe people act on their empathy.’

Empathy leads to action. When you see the pain of others, you want to help. God created you that way. We spend time listening to a friend’s struggle not because that will make them like us, but because they need to be understood. We help someone with a problem not so that we will feel better, but because they are in trouble and can use our help.  

If you want to know how safe someone is, ask yourself: “Is this person with me for him – or for us?” It is no sin to bring your needs to the connection. But it is a sin to exploit the relationship for your own ends only.

Look for these warning signs:

      • When he helps me, he uses it later to get something from me
      • I never hear from her unless she is in trouble
      • I feel like a mirror, as if my job is to listen and approve
      • I’m constantly on the giving end (financially, time, resources)
      • When my needs come up, he treats them superficially and then comes back to himself 

When there’s trouble, it will generally show in one person being the chronic “giver” and the other being the chronic “taker.”

Love seeks the good of the other: It is “not self-seeking” (1 Corinthians 13:5). When you evaluate your relationships, look for people who show genuine concern for your welfare, then make that concern known in concrete actions. 

So, as we draw the week to a close… We have looked at two interpersonal traits of unsafe people…

1> Unsafe people avoid closeness instead of connecting

2> Unsafe people are only concerned about “I” instead of “we”

Next time … Unsafe people resist freedom instead of encouraging it. They don’t respect established boundaries.