We are looking at building personal charisma and thus being someone others would want to be in relationship with and even friends with. We are looking at these personal qualities that we can learn and develop by using the word CHARISMA as an acrostic.
Concern – The ability to show that you care
Charismatic people have the ability to show concern for people’s deepest needs and interests. That does not mean that charismatic people are mushy and patronizing, but when you are around them, you sense their interest and care and leave them feeling that they you are important. When you share with them they respond to what you are sharing. They let you know they heard you and understand what you said and, even more importantly, where you are coming from. They even share their thoughts and feelings about what you trusted them with when sharing.
At any gathering you will find two types of people — those who arrive with an attitude of “Here I am!” And those who possess an attitude of “There you are!” It doesn’t take long to notice that people flock to the “There you are!” people.
So another definition of charisma that is easy to understand and grasp (again I learned this from someone who was a great mentor) is: “Be more concerned about making others feel good about themselves than you are in making them feel good about you.” In other words, don’t try to sell other people on you, try to sell them on themselves.
If you need to develop greater concern for others in your life, increase your exposure to hurting people. We see Jesus’ sense of concern in Matthew 9:35-38 (italics added):
And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. When he saw the crowds, he had (felt) compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the labourers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out labourers into his harvest.”
Here is the sequence: Jesus went, saw, felt, and cared. It’s only when we go and expose ourselves to various situations that we will see enough to develop the concern necessary to move us to action.
It’s difficult to become motivated to help people without first seeing and feeling their needs. The secret is to spend time with them. Only when you go and see will you feel and do. Only as you enter into their world and let their needs, words, and feelings enter into your heart will you begin to develop charisma.
Help – The ability to reach out
Put simply, charismatic people are helpers. They get involved in people’s lives and respond to others. They are out there to see others become fully who God created them to be. To be the “best you that you can be” is their motto towards others. They want people to mature and grow. They have the gift of grace. In fact, the Greek word for gift is “charisma” meaning “gift of grace.” God has freely bestowed upon us spiritual gifts because of His grace toward us.
In Romans 12:6 we read about this further: “Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them (exercise them) accordingly…” And we see in Ephesians 4:11-12, “And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ…”
Notice in both references the emphasis on the variety of gifts and their purpose in the Kingdom. It is always for other people, never for self. There is no charisma in seclusion. You can’t walk into a room and have charisma by yourself!
People have problems and life issues. Many are like the beleaguered guy who, in desperation, when to a psychiatrist for help. He told the doctor, “Every time I get my act together, the curtain falls down.” He needed more than mercy and concern; he needed help. You will find that if you are adept at solving problems (offering help), that will guarantee a following forever. But if you want to develop solid, in-depth friendships or a loyal following (clientele, church members) you will need charisma. More than helping, you will need to be warm and transparent and even, at times, vulnerable. In other words, you will need to be real and have a personality that is attractive and that makes people feel at ease and at home when with you. .
What can you do to help people with their problems? First of all, encourage them to face their problem. Too often people would rather flee them, fight them, or forget them.
Second, encourage them to solve their problems. Don’t fix the problems for them. Teach them to fit them for themselves. Use the following acrostic to teach yourself to help people with difficulties.
T – Tell them it takes time.
E – Expose yourself to their problems in order to relate to the person’s situation
A – Assure them of your confidence in them
C – Creatively help them to see for themselves how to deal with their problems
H – Offer hope to them through the process