“Hurry is violence to the soul.” That is a good phrase or slogan to remember in 2020. And to remove “hurry,” as we saw last time (Part One), we need to learn how to say that little but powerful word “no.”
For most of us our default answer to requests is an automatic “yes.” We seem to believe that time is a more abundant resource in the future than It is now. We have our plate full now with just regular life and yet think that somehow later we will have some free time. That spare time will magically or miraculously appear on our crowded schedules. We refuse to believe that the time we have today is the same time we will have next week and a year from now. But it is not a more abundant resource in the future.
So, we are asked:
- Want to come over for dinner? Yes.
- Can you meet for coffee? Yes.
- Want to come and minister to our people? Yes.
- Can you bring the snacks to the next meeting? Yes.
- Will you lead a small group? Yes.
And it is not just the people who say yes who suffer from “the YES Syndrome.” Their family and close friends suffer too. Our individuality is only a small part of a web of relationships and interpersonal communications that affect our work and our day-to-day lives – and the resources we have available, especially time.
I have to apply this approach almost daily. As I am asked to travel to various places to minister it is always my desire to say yes. It is what I am called to do. It is how the Lord has wired me as I love to teach, prophesy, and minister. But, I need to be aware that to teach then means preparation time now. That travelling then means being home now.
Another example: I get asked for coffees constantly. People want to meet with me. People want to speak to me (FaceTime, Skype, Viber, WhatApp, iPhone, and on the list goes). I now ask what it is they want to talk about. What is it that they want me to do for them. I simply no longer have coffee just to have coffee. I don’t answer calls simply to talk on the phone (I hate phones). So, what is it that this person thinks I can do for them? What are they wanting from me? I want to invest my time wisely and not just spend it or waste it. So, I don’t say yes until I know why they want a piece of my time.
Remember, you can’t save time for the future. You either invest it, spend it, or waste it. But it is always now.
Here is what I had to learn: It is nor selfish to say no. This is about having time to love ourselves and love our neighbours better. So we practice and get really good at saying no. In our world, if we don’t learn how to say no, we will lose, simply because we have access to more things than ever before.
I have had to learn to say no in two different areas, and both have not been easy.
The first is saying no to the incredibly, awesome, “once in a lifetime” things. And the other is saying no to the daily micro-mundane asks and decisions that eat away at our flourishing like water damage in a house. Slow and steady, and methodical and toxic.
Don’t buy into the lie that a full schedule means productivity or holiness, or success, or achievement. It is okay to turn the cell phone off mid-evening so you can have some quiet time. It is definitely alright not to turn it on as soon as you get up in the morning. Admit it, we can be called, texted, tagged, snapped, voice memoed, commented to, FaceTimed, DM’d, private messaged, Voxed, e-mailed, WhatApped, and more anytime. While we are sleeping. When we are on a day off. When we are on vacation. When we are cooking or cleaning or going to the bathroom. We literally cannot escape someone trying to communicate with us. And it can be almost anyone. Because we live in a culture of reachability and access when we demand, in nice Christian ways, of course, access at all times to other people.
I receive a large number of “messages” daily. Because I work here and on the opposite side of the planet, where they are 12 hours ahead of us, they come in all day and all night. And, often if I don’t answer an email right away I get a text telling me they just sent me an email. Or, they write a Facebook message and if I don’t respond in an hour or two I will get the same message by email. If I don’t return a call within an hour, they call again. So, I have had to learn to say no to an immediate response, period! I get to them when I get to them. When I have time and am not rushed I answer them if I know them. The rest may get an answer if time allows. Instant access simply exists for a very select few and only if they don’t misuse the privilege.
We often don’t get to control how much people ask of our time. Thankfully, though, we do have control over our yes and no. It is time to learn to say no more often.
Conclusion next time…