We have seen that to feel confident and appear confident in relationships and in life in general we need to:
1> Establish your worth according to God’s value system.
2> Focus on God and not on our situation
A> Confidence is not the result of an absence of problems.
B> Confidence is a result of trusting God in our problems.
C> Victories yesterday give more confidence for today.
3> Develop friendships with confident people
4> Put a few wins under your belt
5> Quit comparing yourself with others
6> Find something you’re good at and then specialize until you are special.
It could be a sport, a task, a natural ability, or a personally developed talent and ability. Use that strength as much as you can to build your level of assurance and specialization. As you do a confidence will arise inside you. A successful person will play to their strengths and not focus on their weaknesses. And this is true when building solid, long-term relationships as well. Confidence comes from knowing what you are designed and wired to do and doing it to the best of your ability.
6> Begin to develop a knowledge of people.
Here is a humorous old story which points out the importance of knowing who you’re dealing with. A Baptist deacon had advertised a cow for sale. “How much are you asking for it?” Inquired a prospective purchaser.
“One hundred and fifty dollars,” said the advertiser.
“And how much milk does she give?”
“Four gallons a day,” the deacon replied.
“But how do I know that she will actually give that amount?” Asked the purchaser.
“Oh, you can trust me,” assured the advertiser. “I’m a Baptist deacon.”
“I’ll buy it,” replied the other. “I’ll take the cow home and bring you the money later. You can trust me. I’m a Presbyterian elder.”
When the deacon arrived home, he asked his wife, “What’s a Presbyterian elder?”
“Oh,” she explained, “ a Presbyterian elder is about the same as a Baptist deacon.”
“Oh, dear,,” groaned the deacon, “I have lost my cow.”
The deacon knew his product; he knew his cow. But his lack of people knowledge defeated him. To have confidence you will need to take the time to study people (be a people watcher), learn necessary relational skills, and develop a well-rounded personality so that you can confidently enter into any relationship within your season of life.
So, you have developed confidence – what do you do with it now? Now that you have all this confidence, what should you do with it? Keep refuelling it! Confidence is not a constant; it fluctuates according to your success / failure ratio in life. We all have defeats and failures which occasionally and temporarily lower our level of confidence. If you accept the fact that you will not be outstanding in everything you attempt nor in every relationship you work to establish, you will not be devastated when your best is not good enough.
You will also find your confidence has a contagious quality. It will spread throughout your sphere of influence. The Bible provides some interesting examples of “confidence contagion” which we will look at next time.