How To Have Personal Charisma! – Part Four

We are looking at building personal charisma and thus being someone others would want to be in relationship with and even friends with. We are looking at these personal qualities that we can learn and develop by using the word CHARISMA as an acrostic.So far we have seen:

Concern – The ability to show that you care

Help – The ability to reach out

Action – The ability to make things happen

Result – The ability to produce

Influence – The ability to lead

Sensitivity – The ability to feel and respond

Charismatic people have the ability to be sensitive to changing situations. They are adept at taking advantage of the mood, feeling, and spirit of any situation. Most people have the ability to feel something, but they aren’t sure how to react to it or express it. Charismatic people not only feel it,. But they know how to react and express it.

Charismatic people find a cause; that’s discernment. They also voice a concern; that courage. And they draw a crowd; that’s automatic.

If you are to become more sensitive, you must be willing to take a risk. Take the initiative to find a need and take action. People who are overly sensitive to the point that their feelings are always hurt will withdraw from others and never take a risk.

But the charismatic person will risk getting out of their comfort zone in order to make others feel comfortable.

Motivation – The ability to give hope

The secret of motivating others is providing them with hope. People tend to feel more positive when they are in relationship with someone who brings hope to the surface in their life. Let’s take a look at some Bible people who offered hope (and thus were able to lead others who were drawn to them):

    • Isaiah, speaking of God, said, “I will do something new” (Isaiah 43:19)
    • Jeremiah talked about “…new law in their hearts” (Jeremiah 31:33)
    • Jesus spoke about being born again (John 3:3)
    • Paul called a Christian a “new creation” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
    • John’s vision recorded in Revelation spoke of “a new heaven and a new earth” (Revelation 21:1)

Each of these dynamic leaders constantly waved hope before their people.

Do you convey hope or despair to those around you? Learn affirmation skills, problem-solving techniques, ways to verbally encourage others, and convey belief and support in others. 

Affirmation – The ability to build up

Charles Schwab, the successful businessman, said, “I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism.”

Everyone wants and needs to be affirmed for his or her accomplishments. A little boy playing darts with his father said, “Let’s play darts. I’ll throw and you say, “Wonderful!” That’s what the charismatic person does for others.

We tend to become what the most important person in our life thinks we will become. Think the best, believe the best, express the best in others. Your affirmation will not only make you more attractive to them, but you will help play an important part in their personal development.

How do you affirm others? First we need to feel good about ourselves. Then we can verbally and actively believe in others and expect them to respond positively. People are our only appreciable asset. As Christians, we cannot afford to not affirm them. If I fail to affirm a brother, we both lose.  

So, how do we have personal charisma? We have looked at eight qualities we will need to build into our life and relationships if we hope to be charismatic as a person…

Concern – The ability to show that you care

Help – The ability to reach out

Action – The ability to make things happen

Result – The ability to produce

Influence – The ability to lead

Sensitivity – The ability to feel and respond

Motivation – The ability to give hope

Affirmation – The ability to build up

How To Have Personal Charisma! – Part Three

We are looking at building personal charisma and thus being someone others would want to be in relationship with and even friends with. We are looking at these personal qualities that we can learn and develop by using the word CHARISMA as an acrostic.So far we have seen:

Concern – The ability to show that you care

Help – The ability to reach out

The “A” in CHARISMA stands for Action – The ability to make things happen.

Something exciting always seems to be happening around a person with charisma. The charismatic person has an aversion to being bored and boring. He or she may be interesting, controversial, unusual, or entertaining, but never boring. 

Be honest with yourself and evaluate how you come across to others. A young fellow in a dry church service turned to his mother and said, “Pay the man and let’s go home!” That preacher obviously lacked charisma. 

When evangelist John Wesley was asked why people seemed to be drawn to him, he answered, “Well, you see, when you set yourself on fire, people just love to come and see you burn.”

Do you want to increase your interest with other people? Develop your creativity and your confidence. Creativity is the ability to say things in an unusual way; confidence is the ability to do things in an unusual way. Charismatic people can do both. Develop these two traits and people will stand up and take notice.

As a speaker and apostle, I always want to be fresh and exciting in my presentations. I will use humour and real life stories to drive home a point but never to distract from the truth. Long after the content of the message is forgotten people will remember the creative illustration and the truth that was emphasized.

Results – The ability to produce is the next point…

Charismatic people want to be on the winning side of life. People like being around winners and want to play on the winning team. A boy playing chess with his grandfather says, “Oh, no! Not again! Grandpa, you always win!”

Grandpa says, “What do you want me to do, lose on purpose? You won’t learn anything if I do that!” But the boy replies, “I don’t wanna learn anything. I just wanna win!”

Charismatic people not only want to win, they want others to win too. That creates productivity. Results always follow. 

How does a person become productive? Find you strength and then find someone who needs your strength. Charismatic people use their strengths to help other people feel good about themselves; they are other-centered. The person who is self-centered uses his strength to dominate others and will simply not have people who willingly relate and follow him.

Influence – The ability to lead.

As we all know – leadership is influence. If something new, exciting, and interesting is happening in your life, you will want to share it. In doing so, you will influence others and they will want to hang out with you and follow your lead. 

What happens to you speaks to your circumstances. What happens in you speaks to your character. And what happens through you speaks to your charisma.

Do you want to learn how to be a positive influence on others? Five factors come into play:

    • Who I am — my character and gifts
    • Where I am — my location and those who are around me that I relate to
    • Who I know — my sphere of influence because people open doors of opportunity
    • What I know — my expertise, education, experience
    • What I do — my accomplishments (the fruit of my work) and my credibility

Summarizing…

Concern – The ability to show that you care

Help – The ability to reach out

Action – The ability to make things happen

Result – The ability to produce

Influence – The ability to lead.

How To Have Personal Charisma! – Part Two

We are looking at building personal charisma and thus being someone others would want to be in relationship with and even friends with. We are looking at these personal qualities that we can learn and develop by using the word CHARISMA as an acrostic.

Concern – The ability to show that you care

Charismatic people have the ability to show concern for people’s deepest needs and interests. That does not mean that charismatic people are mushy and patronizing, but when you are around them, you sense their interest and care and leave them feeling that they you are important. When you share with them they respond to what you are sharing. They let you know they heard you and understand what you said and, even more importantly, where you are coming from. They even share their thoughts and feelings about what you trusted them with when sharing. 

At any gathering you will find two types of people — those who arrive with an attitude of “Here I am!” And those who possess an attitude of “There you are!” It doesn’t take long to notice that people flock to the “There you are!” people.

So another definition of charisma that is easy to understand and grasp (again I learned this  from someone who was a great mentor) is: “Be more concerned about making others feel good about themselves than you are in making them feel good about you.” In other words, don’t try to sell other people on you, try to sell them on themselves.

If you need to develop greater concern for others in your life, increase your exposure to hurting people. We see Jesus’ sense of concern in Matthew 9:35-38 (italics added):

And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. When he saw the crowds, he had (felt) compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the labourers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out labourers into his harvest.”

Here is the sequence: Jesus went, saw, felt, and cared. It’s only when we go and expose ourselves to various situations that we will see enough to develop the concern necessary to move us to action.

It’s difficult to become motivated to help people without first seeing and feeling their needs. The secret is to spend time with them. Only when you go and see will you feel and do. Only as you enter into their world and let their needs, words, and feelings enter into your heart will you begin to develop charisma. 

Help – The ability to reach out

Put simply, charismatic people are helpers. They get involved in people’s lives and respond to others. They are out there to see others become fully who God created them to be. To be the “best you that you can be” is their motto towards others.  They want people to mature and grow. They have the gift of grace. In fact, the Greek word for gift is “charisma” meaning “gift of grace.” God has freely bestowed upon us spiritual gifts because of His grace toward us.

In Romans 12:6 we read about this further: “Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them (exercise them) accordingly…” And we see in Ephesians 4:11-12, “And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ…”

Notice in both references the emphasis on the variety of gifts and their purpose in the Kingdom. It is always for other people, never for self. There is no charisma in seclusion. You can’t walk into a room and have charisma by yourself!

People have problems and life issues. Many are like the beleaguered guy who, in desperation, when to a psychiatrist for help. He told the doctor, “Every time I get my act together, the curtain falls down.” He needed more than mercy and concern; he needed help. You will find that if you are adept at solving problems (offering help), that will guarantee a following forever. But if you want to develop solid, in-depth friendships or a loyal following (clientele, church members) you will need charisma. More than helping, you will need to be warm and transparent and even, at times, vulnerable. In other words, you will need to be real and have a personality that is attractive and that makes people feel at ease and at home when with you. .

What can you do to help people with their problems? First of all, encourage them to face their problem. Too often people would rather flee them, fight them, or forget them.

Second, encourage them to solve their problems. Don’t fix the problems for them. Teach them to fit them for themselves. Use the following acrostic to teach yourself to help people with difficulties.

T – Tell them it takes time.

E – Expose yourself to their problems in order to relate to the person’s situation

A – Assure them of your confidence in them

C – Creatively help them to see for themselves how to deal with their problems

H – Offer hope to them through the process

How To Have Personal Charisma! – Part One

I am an introvert. When I take tests that are meant to reveal your personality and how you function as a person I am an extreme introvert. As a result I have had to learn how to live as an extrovert because the majority of the world is extroverted. And, because I needed to develop the personal characteristics and relational qualities that would encourage others to want to have a personal relationship with me. I needed to study and then develop the character and personality traits that draw others to me. 

This is not something just introverts need to do. Every one of us needs to develop those qualities which cause people to be drawn to us and cause them to want to relate or become friends. If you don’t take the time to learn about and develop these qualities your will live a lonely life and one that is most likely an inch deep and a mile wide. Your relationships will all be fairly meaningless and very much on the surface of life. 

The word that summarizes all of this is “charisma.” Not everyone is born with charisma. But everyone can develop this quality that makes the difference between being a loner and being popular. It makes the difference between being an acquaintance and being a good friend. It is certainly the quality needed to become a leader in whatever area you are working or ministering. 

Charisma can be a difficult subject to grapple with because most people think it is a mystical, elusive, undefinable quality that you either have or don’t have. However, Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary has given several definitions to charisma, and this is the one we will use:

Charisma is a personal magic of leadership arousing special popular loyalty or enthusiasm.

I would interchange or add the word “friendship” where you just read “leadership” and add the word “personal” where it states “popular”

My definition of charisma: A personal quality of friendship (leadership) arousing personal (popular) loyalty or enthusiasm 

Each one of us has certain abilities that will increase the charisma of our personality. You don’t have to make a strained effort to become something that is not comfortable with your basic nature. However, if your desire is to become a people person and have good, life-long friends, then you need to develop an appealing personality that causes others to respond to you.

Using the word CHARISMA as an acrostic, we can define the outstanding characteristics of a charismatic person who people want to follow and be friends with. I learned this from several books and a mentor from many years ago. 

Concern

Help

Action

Results

Influence

Sensitivity

Motivation

Affirmation

Keep in mind that these traits are not simply inborn; they are attainable by anyone who cares about other people and wants to develop his or her relational skills. 

Let’s look at each characteristic in CHARISMA in a little more depth.