Another reason people are leaving the church and not returning – and people are not considering looking to or joining a church in their search for spiritual reality is that we often create a “theatre” and call it a church.

Theater lovers enjoy the stage. The stars. The spectacle. These churches deliver dazzling, orchestrated, crowd pleasing, seat filling, highly scripted and timed, rehearsed shows. Even high- church, liturgy following traditions could be classified in the theater category. Everything is

predictable. Today’s megachurches and others which are not so large have taken artistry, lighting, fog, technical wizardry, concerts, and other

“wow” effects to new heights.

Are spiritually open people longing to watch someone on stage in a cleverly scripted world that frowns on flaws or technical difficulties?

More importantly, how in the world can relationships possibly grow in a performance-based atmosphere like that? It may be entertaining, but it is certainly not relational.

What was Jesus after when He told the Pharisees the story of the two men praying in the temple (church)? Luke 18:14 states, “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Jesus was not impressed with the “show.”

Perhaps people are leaving the church and others are not joining the church because their view of it is much different than your view. Regular people are not connecting with the local church because they perceive it as more of a spiritual police department than a common fellowship of believers on a spiritual journey together.

Rules rule in police department churches. These churches make sure that people follow a long list of do’s and don’ts. Everything revolves around letting others know the rules. You see the rules stated or implied in the church signage, the way the building is decorated, the atmosphere in the sanctuary, the bulletins, the newsletters, websites, and sermons. They have made the law and obedience their top priorities, or at least, their most visible one.

In a world of people desperate for Jesus, do we hope our God is most known for the 1,000 commandments – most of them man-made?

We all know and understand that certain rules, like the Ten Commandments, are important. No one wants a world (or a church) governed by chaos. What would driving be like if there were no rules of the road? Rules and law keep things orderly and safe.

But, what is the main message your church is sending to the people who visit it? Do announcements remind people about the correct way to park in the parking lot? Are there signs all around the church building instructing people which doors not to enter, where to pick up children, and when to flush the toilet? Do sermons tend to focus on enforcing God’s (or man’s) laws?

An easy way to tell if the church, your church, focuses too much on rules is to take a closer look at your priorities. Do the signs on your walls communicate how much you love people … or are they more about keeping the building clean? Before you confront the guest about leaving a coffee cup on the table, ask yourself, “Do I care more about building a relationship with the person, or do I care more about the building?”

Let the police station be the police station. And, let your church be a haven for thriving friendships.

Popular church rules:
• how to baptize – and in whose name • when to baptize
• which Bible translation is allowed
• when to observe the Sabbath
• what to eat and drink

• what to wear
• how to celebrate the Lord’s Supper
• who can celebrate the Lord’s Supper
• which musical instruments (if any) are allowed • what to do with candles, crosses, and flags
• how to address the clergy
• how to dress the clergy
• how women may serve (or not) in ministry
• when to stand
• when to kneel
• when to clap
• who can use the stuff in the kitchen

Let’s end this first picture with a quote from Isaiah the prophet: “And so the Lord says, ‘These people say they are mine. They honour me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. And their worship of me is nothing but man-made rules.” (Isaiah 29:13)

So, what do people really want from the Church? What are their expectations when they seek for a church family to join?

Researchers George Gallup Jr. and D. Michael Lindsay have uncovered exactly that. Their study uncovered… that there are 6 basic needs of people:

1> The need to believe life is meaningful and has a purpose
2> The need for a sense of community and deeper relationships 3> The need to be listened to and to be heard
4> The need to feel one is growing in faith
5> The need to be appreciated and respected
6> The need for practical help in developing a mature faith

From what is happening statistically to the church we might want to conclude that the average church and the weekend assembly of believers is failing to meet these basic needs.

People are longing ro what Jesus offers. People are seeking for spiritual things. People may be leaving the church, but they are still hungering for God. Consider these statistics:

1> 91% say that they believe in God
2> 88% sat that having faith is important to them
3> 64% are open to pursuing their faith in an environment different from a typical church

People want God. Just not how the Church packages God. They stand on the sidelines, watching Christians live their lives as though God doesn’t really make a difference. Why should they waste their time?

A church staff members writes: “For me it is the same. No depth, no hope, no discovery. It isn’t like the church in Acts. To me, the church has gone backward. As a staff person – it can be a hard place to work. I prefer real community, where people take care of each other and love each other for who they are.”

Maybe we need to change an assumption that those of us who lead churches hold dear and actually work from. We have made the faulty assumption that if leaders tell people what to believe, then that will result in the action of them becoming believers or maturing in their faith if they are already believers.

That seems to not be how it works.

I am discovering that our experiences actually form our beliefs and lead to maturity as believers. Our experiences form our beliefs with then determine our actions, followed by change and result. Think about it: our family experiences shape our beliefs about family. Our school experiences shape our beliefs about school and about learning. If our experiences with the

church are legalistic, judgmental, and negative, those experiences shape our beliefs about God. And, those beliefs shape our actions and how we interact with the church, Christians, and the world.
So, it is time to change ‘the experience’ because there is creative and life-changing power in experience. We will look at “Experience leads to belief leads to action leads to results” next time.

We are seeing, in every nation, many people leave the church and often not return. They are leaving for a number of reasons.

The top four are:

1> They feel judged

2> The see church people as a bunch of hypocrites

3> They don’t want to be lectured
4> God seems to be irrelevant to the issues they are facing in their lives

Let’s look at the issue of being lectured.

Sitting and listening to a lecture during worship – we call it a sermon or a teaching – really says to people, “You don’t care what I think or wonder about.”

More than ever, people today want participate in the discussion. Men especially do not want to sit in a room and listen to some preacher do al the talking. They want to ask questions. They want to share their thoughts, too. Lyons and Kinsman say two of the younger generations of adults want to converse: “Mosaics [Those born between 1984 and 2002] and Busters [those born between 1965 and 1983] are the ultimate ‘conversation generations.’ They want to discuss, debate, and question everything….Young outsiders want to have discussions, but they perceive Christians as unwilling to engage in genuine dialogue.”

I have personally been asking those I work with what their thoughts are on this trend. I have found that almost everyone who attends a worship service want to be able to ask questions and engage in conversation. Think how un-conversation-friendly our churches are designed to be. Sitting in pews or chairs, facing a stage, and looking at the backs of people’s heads is hardly conducive to talking with others and having a dialogue or a discussion.

And it is not just conversation people are after and wanting. They have questions. They have doubts. They have stories of their own that they want to share. They wonder about a great man things. But there’s no place for their questions, their doubts, their stories, or their wonderings in the church.

Instead of meaningful dialogue and engagement, the most common church experience today enters on the Sunday morning sermon. A lecture. A 30- to 45- minute speech. Yet even the most stirring oration doesn’t build relationships. And relationship is what people are looking for and literally needing. They can hear a lecture and receive teaching any time of every day on the internet. When was the last time you grew closer to someone because you both sat through a lecture together? It is no wonder fewer and fewer people are looking to the church to grow closer to God and to others.

What people really want, more than anything, are real conversations leading to real connections with real people. They want to know and be known by others. They want intimacy and rapport. They want friendship and support. They want relationships.

And, remember, faith in God is a relationship.

Is it possible to create a church environment where people can fully expect to grow closer to someone every time the attend an assembly? Is it possible for church to be known as the place where we all go to grow relationships? Is it possible for the church to become known as the friendliest place in town?

I believe it can.

I have been in fellowship and discussion with Alexander who left Kazakstan a decade ago after learning a new language and went to the nation of Turkey to work as a believer and impact people, including Muslims, for the faith. He examined what was going on in that nation and discovered that many foreigners had come to this nation over the years and that in spite of good hearts, modern methods, and hard work little had been accomplished. These people had come into a foreign culture and set up a standard, traditional format for the assembly of those who are born again and want to worship and fellowship. However, in most cases, the only people attending were other, older foreigners who found the format of a lecture and looking at the back of the heads of others comfortable.

He has since left working within that church and its structure and begun simply to relate to non- believers at work, where he shops and plays. As well, of course, his home is open and he is willing to sit and drink tea with anyone who might drop in because they are developing a relationship with hi. Over many conversations he is now having opportunity to answer people’s questions, have some really wonderful discussions, and explain the Gospel to them. Some are even being saved…

It is time to examine the facts and change the methods and the formats we use … but never the message.